REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

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there
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Location: New England, USA

Re: REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

Post by there » Thu Mar 16, 2017 9:33 pm

oh , reisha....

reading and hoping you know you are loved by many here, including moi :)

o, gosh, hate dealing with the clueful medical people. Sorry you are in physical and emotional pain, reisha.

sounds like bad anxiety attack with sweating and dry heaves. sorry people so unhelpful to you.

ok, chuck this out if not helpful, but....

Medicare ---if you have, it does cover chiropractic care. Probs a deductible ($150 annually here in my USA), then about $10 or less/visit.
I get activator method chiro care. I had a spinal fusion, have pinched sciatic nerve flare ups. Seriously, activator (safe, non-invasive) chiro saved me from more back surgery or worse. I am a serious advocate for activator method chiropractic care. It can help your health generally, too. He does stuff that has helped my hand injuries, no small feat. (PUNishment). Steps down from, removes soap box.

about uploading images/photos of your art to website here, if you are thinking about it, so am I.

Please give yourself a pass about the cleaning/housework, reisha. You'd say the same to me. Crafting is where you're putting energy for now.You will get to the chores.

Sitting by you, and sending kindness...
"Don't live down to expectations. Go out there and do something remarkable." Wendy Wasserstein

reisha
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Location: california

Re: REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

Post by reisha » Fri Mar 17, 2017 3:45 am

harmony - thank ya for supporting/validating my fakebook rant

there - my medicare is ... uh .....
well, CONFUCKINGFUSING!!!!
ive always ever had 'advantage' plans, & most-a them were 'snap' (special needs) ones. the co-pays were non-existant, &/or p/u by either medi-cal, my 'low income rider'.
'alt care' (like acup'ure, chiro, etc) were *only* covered under the snaps, exhorberant co-pays otherwise (ir outta my ability to get) & 'orig' medicare dunna offer ... same level of bennies either. in all my yrs of bein on DIS/medicare, this is the 1st time its been such a clusterfux.
when i orig applied, (at suggestion of a head/neck/speech pathologist who i found about a yr & 1/2 after fusion/dysphagia - but i dinna know it was dysphagia back then, cuz my other drs kept sayin it'd get better.... & when it dinna, i started lookin for '2nd opinions & 'floundered w/ ents, & other 'wrong' pros until i found this lady - head of dept @ ucsf) - the medicare intake gal asked me why i waited so long. that shocked me, cuz i'd always heard 'no one' gets DIS 1st try, everyone hasta appeal. also kinda f'd w/ my head, to learn i was/am disabled .....
but never have used my 'orig medicare' card, always used whichever ins co issued their cards.
& now, w/ s/w explainin to me all the ... diff 'tiers' of ins/coverage/enities - & who pays what when......
my head feels like its bout to explode!!! hicap my ass, i need a lowhat!!

im embarrassed at how chaotic/messy my place is atm.
& i guess it dunna matter WHY i cant/dont Keep It Together, fact is, i dont/cant - help is DEF needed!!!
laziness (old foo tapes!)
depression
'ligit' medical reasons, probly ALL apply.
will tell lady - oh well - this is bout as bad as it gets, but the fact (for whatever reason) it gets this bad ...... HELP!!

got my meds, & dinna kill anyone in the process (yea, go me!)
t today .... i was a puddle of tears, defeated, angery - talkin bout the medicare/ins crap, & she kinda 'pushes' - i kinda shut down, after 'barking ' at her
did confront her, & she apologized - it was also w/in context of my anger/frustration/irritability @ other drs - dismissive/disrepectful, & of bein let down by 'friends' ( fam, the world...). she got it.
talked to about SU - or, just not wantin to BE any more - if thats SI, then so be it. not sure i wanna be dead (cuz, isna that still a state of bein?)
shes concerned bout this damn sweatin, urges see dr (HA!) - yeah yeah .... told her bout 'episode' in store, & she then kinda changed tactics - oh, & i was in ALOTTA (hip) pain today - she reminded me, folx in pain tend to *BE* more irritable, shorter fuse - see things from neg view. suggested maybe its all too much for me rite now (ya THINK?!) - said maybe i *should* 'back off' on stuff sum, take more 'flat time' in bed, deal w/ ins later.....

dont think episode was anxiety/panic attack - mine dunna really (wo)manifest that way. pretty sure this is more physiological, SUMTINS gone wonkier w/ me, my body.

news - trump, budget stuff does have me more anxious, scared.
yeah, cut medi-caid by 300 TRILLION, shift it to military.
so many 'cut bills' bein (silently) pushed thru - meals on wheels, school lunches, epa, dept of education, planned parenthood, etc, etc kill, defund, eliminate...
yeah - this is america, where the national myth is that 'can do' 'tude - pull self up by bootstraps, never mind if ya got no boots.
guess compassion is a 'non-value' in this NWO....
if theres a 'god', cant trump die of brain explosion please?
dislike that im thinkin this way - i dont wish folx dead, or harm (much!); but this major toolbag?
once again, (bushleague war #1 i tried to renounce citizenship, talked w/ attny who expalined i gotta 'belong' sumwhere, taxes Must Be Paid....) im ashamed to be american.

t understands my 'anti humanity' view, why i 'dont wanna participate' - validated my (life long) 'hurts, disappointments; gets my reluctance to put self out there, risk more hurt. again, suggests more 'flat time'
atm, debatin tween a)pullin covers over head, b) beadwork, c) attemptin 'food', or d) cleanin trashed kitchen.....
think 'a' will win

there - still thinkin bout idea of uploadin 'project pix' ( i mite, if ya mite?!)

reisha
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Location: california

Re: REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

Post by reisha » Fri Mar 17, 2017 3:54 am

nuther question {THERE!}
when ya say activator - are ya talkin bout that lil springy thing sum chiros use? i HATE those! dont do shit for me! give me a nice, hard, 'violent' adjustment, or dont waste my time!!!
but ya got me wonderin - what is about that that ya like? can ya say more bout how a 'gentle' approach helps ya?

cuz for me, i want relief NOW, not several months from now.
spose theres shcool of thot that says the activator thing is longer lasting, in long run.
also have had debates bout .... the .... niacin(?) bubble poppin vs actual vertabrea movement. still, i think if its the bubble gas buildup causin discomfort, then pop the sukker!
then theres also my hypermobilty/loose joints (1st told/dx'd w/ that when i was 19! so, for pain dude to suggest 'eaat more' i find extra insulting) - sum movements exhasberate that prob. otoh, RELIEF NOW, pls, & tyvm!!
damedn if do, or dont <sigh>

anyway, am curious as to yer thots on it.
thanks!

recover
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Re: REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

Post by recover » Sat Mar 18, 2017 1:10 am

hi dear reisha,
so sorry you have all this crap to deal with ugh. i can't offer much about the medical stuff but i am sorry you have to deal with it. i get the SU feelings and all. right here with you.
i can so relate to the being ashamed to be american which i never felt before in my 57 years of life. i feel traumatized by him being president and i mean that. he is an evil terrifying disgusting human being who is putting us all in danger and i truly feel that. i still cannot believe he is the president. in shock.
anyway friend please try to take gentle care of yourself.
lots of love,
recover xo

Couragetoday
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Re: REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

Post by Couragetoday » Sat Mar 18, 2017 1:44 am

Hi reisha,

Hearing you on the difficulties approaching pain & rehab when hypermobility is a factor.
It feels endlessly frustrating.
Understand also how episode you described feels different than anxiety. Same here, though our "episodes" have some differences by the sounds of it.
Real glad you managed to get your meds filled. Hope they bring some benefit soon.
Also think it's great you brought up stuff with T.
Definitely would feel honoured to look at any artwork you or there might feel comfy posting. (No pressure)

Lots of caring,

CT

reisha
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Location: california

Re: REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

Post by reisha » Sat Mar 18, 2017 2:24 am

thank you, recover
sad to know we're not alone in this (trump stuff) - er, um, i mean, good to know we're alone, sad that we are ... so affected.

& {ct!} - yes! endlessly frustrating! wow. ya nailed it. hypermobility - spose i could join the circus(?) ;) - i can put my legs behind head w/out any stretching 1st. & ... <snirt!> most lower extremity joints are 'hyper', altho most upper ones arent 'hyper' enuff - limited ROM w/ arms/shoulders ( & neck due to fusion). <sigh!>

so, the (potential) new ins lady came by. i dunno .... the whole thing seems .. kinda 'pushy' - & i cant even explain why i feel that way.
its set up similar to the kaiser model - everything under one roof - which i spose would be helpful. ALL my care would hafta be thru em. their providers are all employees of em, & they're also contracted w/ one of the 2 major hosps/groups here - but of course, NOT the one i use, so ALL my drs would change. im ok w/ that, except for psyche stuff - id either hafta change those too, or pay outta pocket.
on plus side, slop is covered, & 'durable' equip. they have social stuff. transpo provided for all appts & activities. (including med delivery!) they have nurses & others that do home visits. they offer 'home help' w/ personal care & lite housekeeping. probly sum other stuff. ya get .... a dr, center director, clinic & home nurse, PT,OT, speech therapy as needed, s/w, dietian, health care aide & transpo rep. it IS MUCH more 'comprehensive' than my current ins, & im leanin towrds it... kinda, i think. AND .... i wouldna hafta 'fight the same fight' every time (yr) that ins changes.
esp w/ trump in office, i think this mite actually work better for me.
on the neg side...... i guess its just ... the similarity to kaiser (whom i would NEVER pick!!) - they're the ones who kept mis-dx'n my arm & back pain (which was actually my neck ... & the fusion) they 'od'd me on motrin - ive 'exceeded my lifetime dosage' on that crap.
the lady did say that i couldna be a med mj cuz they frown on that - i told her that'd be a prob for me. she double checked once she left - & called to say it IS ok, but they wont pay for it (bummer, lol - wouldna expect they would)
she also sez i *shouldna* be payin any preimiums or co pays w/ my current ins (duh! - well, tell current ins that!!)
tried callin my s/w to see if she'd gotten anywhere w/ her inquiries bout this ... guess maybe they're closed for st paddys day? (they're a catholic org). but i DO wanna touch base w/ her, b4 i make my decision. the new lady sez she' ll call me on tues to see what im thinkin, if i wanna move forward w/ this - i DO wanna see their facility, get a better idea of their drs, etc
im pretty sure the 'trade offs' would be worth it; mainly, its my pdoc (& my t) that i wanna keep.
so, its alot to consider.

dozed off after that meetin, & ARGH!!! damn 'bad' dreams again (still!) - this one was in bio-moms house, w/ my X, & i was tryin to make mac & cheese, but he had lame stuff coverin the stove, weird stuff in oven. every time i tried to move stuff, it made a big mess. rumagin in fridge, same prob - his stuff was in my way, all over my stuff. i woke myself up, screaming at him ' I JUST WANNA EAT!!" so, 'on the surface', this dream 'makes sense'; in another way..... wtf!? im so s&t (sick & tierd) of these unsettlin dreams!!!!

plunk .... dunna wanna snuggle - hes never been a big snuggler, but would at least 'put up' w/ it. now, he's all squirellin around, & i dont wanna stress him out; otoh, i dont want him .... not gettin physical/emotional needs met. i moved one litterbox into the bathroom, since he insists on peein in there (but would go out to where box was to poop) dunno what this all about - suspect its .... more in reaction to my shit than an actual physical prob w/ him .... i dunno ...
goo is still bein a 'needful' girl, but at least she's stopped w/ that one particular vocalization that i hate (she's got bout 8 or 9) - this one is .. real 'echoy', whiney, plainitive - 'all is not rite w/ my world'. t thot its probly in reaction to my irratibility. so, if i use them to guage me.... im a lil better(?) but she's still jumpin up on me (which i kinda like - think its 'cute' - i call it 'pitta paws' - she'll put her front paws up on my back, & kinda 'pitta paw' & nose at me til i reach up to sckritch her whiskers ( she has WONDERFUL whiskers! & luscious lips, & exquisite eyes, & excellent ears, & chewy cheeks, & ..... we go thru all her 'head parts' (as opposed to body parts) another 'game' we play is when she yawns, i try to touch her tounge b4 she closes her mouht.

ok, so that dream has me wantin mac & cheese - off to see if i can ~make-a-mess~......

{{ISURVIVE!!}}

Jitterbug
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Re: REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

Post by Jitterbug » Sat Mar 18, 2017 8:30 pm

(((((((((((((((((((( Reisha )))))))))))))))))))))

No words, just soooo much support.

Jitterbug

recover
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Re: REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

Post by recover » Sun Mar 19, 2017 1:45 am

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((reisha)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
right here with you and jitterbug, hugs if ok.
love,
recover xo

there
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Location: New England, USA

Re: REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

Post by there » Mon Mar 20, 2017 2:57 pm

Reisha,
I'd love to answer your posts here, but, you know, it feels like you keep jabbing elbows at me in my thread. I thought the previous time, when you called me a "nutty old broad" might be the last.

I was in physical pain all week with my heel. "Healing my heel" is fine to say, btw.

When you said, that only I, there, could hurt myself doing yoga, it really added insult to injury on several levels. I felt insulted, and bewildered, and felt like my self-esteem took a hit. I really wonder if you want to be a friend to me at isurvive. With everything I've been dealing with, do I have to deal with this from you?

I believe I have been kind, respectful, and supportive to you here. Please tell me when I haven't.

I don't come here to be the butt of a joke, especially not when I made it known for a while that I'm hurting from several things. And who isn't hurting who comes here?

I am shaking writing this. You've given me the opportunity to stand up for myself and be assertive and brave.
"Don't live down to expectations. Go out there and do something remarkable." Wendy Wasserstein

reisha
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Location: california

Re: REISHA 2017 (the journey continues...)

Post by reisha » Mon Mar 20, 2017 6:39 pm

wow.

there - thank you for speakin yer mind.
i apologize
it was never my intent to be hurtful.
i thot we were ... close enuff to be able to poke fun at each other at times, lighten things up.
there have been times when ya've said things to me that i found a bit irksum, but i chalked it up to ... ya bein ya, &/or me bein bein a bit thin skinned on a particular issue.
im sorry ya took my words so personally, as attacks. they werent meant that way.
i DO want to be yer friend, but now im kinda afraid to say anything, for fear of it bein taken the wrong way,
i'll let this be yer decision - if ya cant handle my ... words, my 'way of bein', i understand. it'll sadden me, but i'll accept it.
again, it was never my intent to be hurtful.

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