Hello - New to forum

[Maeve]

Hello. I am new to the forum and not sure how to start exactly but definitely need feedback. I'm not even sure where I fit in, so a little back ground. I'm a 56 yo woman and about 10 months ago I was in therapy for another issue and a memory that I had long suppressed came back to me. When I was 12 or 13, my father got into bed with me one night. I do not have a clear memory of this night so I am not sure if he actually touched me. I remember scrambling out of bed and going into the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the tub and shaking,with my heart pounding. After a minute or two and went and woke my mother and told her to come and get my father because he was "sleepwalking". She did and everyone went back to bed. Then, we never spoke about the incident again. Ever. It got to be that I began to think I had dreamed it. I was emotionally neglected and abused as I was growing up (the abuse mostly from my mother) and it was not the sort of home where I could approach either of my parents about this. I had a lot of sexual issues in my young adulthood and was assaulted and date raped at least twice, but was never able to call it that or even look at it that way and I really believe now that it all goes back to this incident. But I don't know if it can be considered molestation or not since I can't be certain of anything. Both of my parents have passed and no siblings were in the home so there is no where to go for confirmation. I am in the process of dealing and healing right now but there is a lot of turmoil inside and even though this occurred over 40 years ago, I feel almost like it just happened. I hope to find some insights and hope here, or at least some common bonds to feel less alone. thanks

[iwillthrive]

Maeve,

Welcome to isurvive. I am sorry foe the reasons that have brought you to this place, but am glad you have foond us. You are not alone here.

Wishing you peace...iwillthrive

[Jonesy]

Hi Maeve

A warm welcome to isurvive.
Abuse looks different to everyone, there's no 'one size fits all' here. I hope you find what you seek with us.

[quixote]

Maeve,
Welcome. i understand your need for confirmation, but part of the healing process involves trusting our own feelings. If our gut tells something bad happened, it probably did. In therapy we learn how to deal with our reactions.
quixote

[wolfspirit]

Maeve,
Welcome to isurvive.
I'm sorry you're feeling so much turmoil about your recent memory, and that you grew up in an abusive home.
You are important and safe here.

I've learned that our brain releases these traumatic experiences when it is ready.
I was in therapy for depression and panic disorder on and off for twenty plus years before my flashbacks began.
I believe you and your memory.

We are here listening to anything you want to share.

take care,

wolfspirit

[Jonesy]

Hi Maeve

Did you find someone to talk things through with? It can be difficult dealing with such thoughts alone.
Know I am here and listening if you want to write again.