Sorry

[Angelina]

Hi
I’m sorry can’t do this I’m useless at sharing my thoughts and no good at helping others. Not sure why cause i’d help anyone if I could. Maybe I’m just no good with words. So i’m Leaving the group! Do I just log off or is they a way to delete myself totally off the site?
Sorry some of you have tried to help and I’m great full for that but it’s time to try and lock all this crap that’s happened to me away and try moving on pretending nothing has happened to me it’s the only way.
My last therapy session tomorrow can’t afford long term therapy but maybe it’s life saying I can’t be saved!!
Bye
Angelina

[Shirley]

Hi Angelina,
I’m so sorry for the reasons you found yourself here in the first place. I understand the feeling of not knowing what to do or say or how to help. Also you are under no obligation to share at all only if you can or want too.
I tried to ignore what happened and for me it only made it worse.
I found this place comforting and supportive when I joined 3 weeks ago. I wish that for you too. The decision is yours and only yours to make For me, I found the people here are amazing and helpful, caring and supportive.

Wishing you peace no matter what you decide.
Shirley

[Harmony]

Dear Angelina,

Most folks who feel hopeless find it a shorter term thing. Sometimes it lasts awhile. That is the best reason to stay on isurvive. You owe nothing here. You don't have to post to be a member. You don't have to answer anyone. You can read only. You can ignore the site for a while and return anytime. There are no rules here. The only rule is to be kind. Be kind to others but also yourself.

If you wish to have your account deactivated you can write Jonesy and request it. Honestly there is no need. If it doesn't feel good to be here then walk away. Feel free to come in anytime. You matter here.

with care,
Harmony

[iwillthrive]

Angelina,

I hope you reconsider, but I know it’s your choice. You don’t ever have to write anything to anyone. You can just read things and maybe that will be the support you need. It’s ok to be who you are and just where you are at the moment. No one expects anything from you. I hope you reconsider. Please know you are cared about here no matter what your choice is.

It’s hard to put it away. I tried many times. Succeeded for awhile and ended up having to reach back out.

I wish you peace in your journey no matter what you chose. Take care. iwt

[wolfspirit]

Angelina,
I hope you stay here.
I understand the fear of facing what happened. Think of isurvive as a safe place from that. A place for you to rest and just read.
No expectations.

It's one small way to take care of your self.
I hope you stay.

wolfspirit

[Jonesy]

Hey Angelina

Never any sorries needed here.
But just want to add that locking things away will only work for so long... one of these days the lid simply won't fit any more.
Please know we will still be here for you if you choose to return.

[Angelina]

Thank you all for your kind words it’s prob just what I need as I’m not being kind to myself, to be honest I hate myself.
I always push people away and I don’t know why, I tried pushing my therapist away but was unsuccessful thank goodness but now I’ve had my last session and don’t think I can cope without her it’s killing me I feel like all the work we’ve done is slowly going. Life is rubbish, my head is killing me and all the thoughts are slowly coming back. I’m crying so much inside but they is no tears I need them to come it’s killing my insides.
Sorry for the ramble it prob makes no sense and I don’t know whether to stay or leave this site. I know I still need lots of support but don’t know anymore x

[Jitterbug]

Hi Angelina,

It makes total sense to me. I felt just like you did a few weeks back but as soon as I realised that I was shutting myself off from my friends and family and had retreated to the hell inside and alone because I was missing/lacking the support of my key professionals (my long term T retired end Nov, my GP retired Dec & my MH worker keeps being off sick...) the pressure eased and the despair began slowly to lift. It was all unravelling for me too. I started to question the work I had done with my T. It was horrible. However, with encouragement from another GP and my sister in law, I started reaching out to family and friends whom I'd been telling myself lives were too busy..... I called crisis lines and started looking around for what might be my next step therapeutically. It has helped. I'm by no means there yet, but that suicidal self hating crisis hell has passed. I kinda think I dropped off a bit of an emotional cliff & it took a while to land & land safely.

I share this in the hope that you keep reaching out for support. Whether here or elsewhere. Sometimes just reading in the background here helps, sometimes (like now) trying to be supportive of others feels right. Occasionally I am brave enough to post, but whatever I am doing I know that I am not judged here. I am accepted. And when I do post whether in reply to others or for myself I have only ever received warm caring, welcoming and understanding responses.

We really do understand, Angelina. And remember, you don't need to make any big decision about being here. Just fade into the background or post or whatever until you feel clearer. Just know we are here. I am here. And I feel so sorry that you are in such pain.

I echo your recognition of needing to be kind to yourself. I know how hard it is, but you are so worth it.

Warmly

Jitterbug

[Ashia]

Hi Angelina

I hear how difficult all this is for you and I do understand. Maybe you could try just reading for a while. Maybe you could test out sharing something a bit easier before considering sharing anything more personal. Whatever you decide, please do know that you are accepted here, exactly as you are.

With caring
Ashia

[wolfspirit]

Angelina,
I'm so glad you posted about what's going on, and I totally understood what you wrote.
Posting anything is an accomplishment.
We are here, listening.
Keep doing whatever you feel comfortable with.

sending peace and gentle hugs,

ws