Saying hello

[Shirley]

In one big swoop my family, are now saying “no that’s not true she’s (me) always had psychological problems and now she’s making up a story for attention” .
I have no words right now I can’t believe this.

Shirley

[Xanthia]

Hi Shirley,

Here sitting quietly with you.

Sounds a horrible situation that your family are disbelieving you. Hold on to your truth.

With care,

[Shirley]

How do I continue on and fight this? Their all lying. My witnesses are lying. And everyone says it’s a lie.
It’s not. It happened. Im not lying.
I can’t see my T for a few weeks I don’t know how that’s going to work so well.

Shirley

[Xanthia]

Oh Shirley, I am so sorry about what is going on with your witnesses.

Yes, it happened. You are not lying.

Can you contact your T for their assistance? Most Ts I have known are willing to be contacted between sessions, particularly for something like this.

Offering safe soft hugs.

With care,

[Shirley]

Hi Xanthia,
Yeah I have tried my T. I need to go back to dr to get new referral or I can’t go back and see her unless I pay which I can’t. I don’t even think I have been seeing the right kind of T for me. I haven’t even seen a psychiatrist in 5 or so years since I started meds. All that is happening g is I’m remembering more and feeling more and more confused scared ashamed ashamed ashamed. It’s too much for one person.

Trying to find the strength to keep going.
The truth is just hurting me all over.

Shirley

[Xanthia]

Hi Shirley,

Please do explain to your GP how you would prefer a T / Pdoc (Psychiatrist) who is experienced with trauma arising from abuse. Hopefully, the GP will know some specialists in this field.

Get the ashamed feelings - however, the shame rests with adults who chose to hurt your child self. Never your decision. No child can possibly give informed consent.

Please contact investigation people to know how best to proceed, if there hasn't yet been such a discussion.

It sounds really difficult, unpleasant, to say least. I invite you to share here so you can be supported to some extent. There are also 24/7 help lines which could be useful to contact - hearing a live human voice has helped me on occasions - you don't need to say very much to have their assistance.

May you enjoy pleasant dreams tonight with a peaceful day to follow.

With care,

[Shirley]

Thanks Xanthia,
I’ll get onto that this week. These memories are starting to fill in blank spots and I’m starting to understand why my brother won’t return my calls. He knew. And knew a lot before I thought he did. He’s one year older than me. I guess he’s angry that I’m going to put him through the investigation and bring things up.

Shirley

[Xanthia]

Hi Shirley',

Investigation will bring up many things. It is usually a rough time for those involved and might affect others.

Memories being filled in and new awareness regarding your brother could be behind a range of emotions.

Please be very kind and gentle with yourself.

With care,

[wolfspirit]

Shirley,
I can't offer much to ease your feelings, but I can keep you in my thoughts, sending energy of peace and strength as you navigate this next phase of your healing.
Your truth is what's most important. Losing family members is incredibly painful. I understand that. There is an entire side of my family that I can not speak with. It hurts sometimes, but the way I deal with it is to remind myself that they must have known what he was like, since they raised/grew up with him. They never did anything to stop it. I wouldn't want their love, even if they offered it.
Sounds similar to your situation.

You are not alone. You are not holding the shame anymore. You deserve to be heard and even if the detectives never move forward, your child self will. She will feel loved, understood, and protected.
It takes a lot of strength to get through this, but you will.

gentle hugs,

ws

[Shirley]

Hi wolfspirit,
Thank you ws, you too are in my thoughts.
Yes I too should remind myself because I need reminding that I am better off without those family members.
Will be trying to find a psychiatrist to actually work on trauma with me. I see a lot on here people speak about their inner child and so much relating to that. Actually makes me a little jealous in a way that I don’t have that or understand that nor do I have any idea where to start. I guess I’ll find out sometime soon.

Peace

Shirley