New to forum, similar feelings?

[Cuppatea]

Hi. I just joined. Thank you for adding me. As someone who has lived through a childhood with a verbally and physically abusive father and sexually and verbally abusive teacher/s throughout my elementary school years, I wonder about what I might have achieved had this not been my (daily) experience for my entire growing up. Though I have had difficult obstacles throughout my life, I have to remind myself of what I have achieved. To everyone else it probably appears to be little, but I know what I've had to deal with and overcome. Even as a fully grown adult and parent I sometimes feel inferior to others, I have a hard time being assertive about what I think or really showing myself to others, making friends. After all I've been through, I often feel inadequate. I don't have a career even though I did finish college, mostly on my own dime. This in particular bothers me. Confidence eludes me and I'm no spring chicken. It seems absurd that I feel so inadequate but I do. I missed out on so much in my life ... all the normal healthy things that others seem to have experienced and it seems that I cannot overcome that. I don't know anyone aside from my sister's who've been through a similar experiences, so I don't know if these persistent feelings of inadequacy and lack of confidence are common among people who've lived long term in an abusive household. Can anyone else relate tothese persistent feelings of inadequacy and lack of confidence? At times it really gets me down. Hope you are all having a decent day.

[wolfspirit]

Hello Cuppatea,
I have always had those feelings, as well. I learned it is the message we were given as we were growing up. We knew nothing else, so what they (family/teachers/mentors) said and taught us must've been true. That's also how they controlled us.
Now that you're an adult and you realize what that false message was, you can work to change it.
I'm working on mine through therapy, support groups, here on isurvive, reading other survivor stories...we have to essentially rewire the parts of our brain that were built by abusive influences while our brain was growing.
It is possible. I've just found that I needed support and it is helping me.
Maybe you can get that support, too?

Keep posting on here, it really helps me sort things out and know others are listening.

take care,

wolfspirit

[Jonesy]

Hi Cuppatea

A warm welcome to isurvive - there is much support and understanding to be found here

[Ashia]

Hi Cuppatea

Welcome to isurvive. The feelings of inadequacy and the lack of confidence you mentioned make sense to me, with the environment you grew up in. Abuse and repeated trauma can wear people down. As Jonesy said, I'm sure you'll find lots of understanding here.

Ashia

[ajei]

Hi Cuppatea...it's really good to meet you...welcome.

ajei

[iwillthrive]

Welcome to a wonderfully supportive place. The things you are saying make a lot of sense to me. I’m sorry for all of the struggles you have had in your life. You will find lots of people here who can relate to your story.

Wishing you peace...iwillthrive

[quixote]

Cuppatea,
Yes, the feelings that you describe seem quite familiar. Some people call those "old tapes," early messages that we got as children. It's good that you were able to recognize them. That's the first step toward healing.
quixote