Hello and thank you for the chance

[Danda]

Hi,
I came across this site months ago, having researched why i feel like i'm 'loosing it' now, but felt I could 'do it alone'. I have been happily married for 23 years and have 4 grown up children. I have had a successful career and i'm fast approaching 50. I know i have never been 'normal' due to the torrent of abuse that occured from before i remember as a child and right through upto the age of 22, however after 2 very close suicide attempts, one as a child and one age 22, I decided to 'sort my life' out. I don't think I did a bad job, until about 6 months ago, things I had 'boxed' or 'forgotten' started coming back. Everyone thinks I am strong and successful, but i'm falling apart, drinking more, feeling on edge, self harming again (haven't done that since I was 16). Why now? I can't think about anything other than the years of abuse, I knew the stuff that happened when I was little was wrong, but I thought that when I was over 12 that I was making the choices, i know now i was groomed and systematically abused by a whole group of people. I left all this behind, left home at 16 and made a new life for myself, away from the bad stuff, I made bad choices for a few years, skipping from one abusive relationship to another. When i was 22 there was a knock at the door, one of the men from my childhood had tracked me down, through a friend of a friend. He wanted 'to be with me' I let him in and ended up being the submissive child and let him use me all over again. I am now getting memories of the stuff I had forgotton and now believe my mum was involved. Looking forward to some help to try to keep me sane. sorry if this is 'all over the place'

[fight4me]

Hi danda

Welcome to this site glad you found it but also sorry that you had to look

This is a safe place to off load

You will only find support and compassion
And help on you jerney

Here supporting


Fight4me

[Danda]

thank you - this was the first time I have ever written anything down

[Banana]

Hi Danda

Welcome to isurvive.

Well done on writing such a brave first post. You never need worry about your words being "all over the place". It's absolutely ok to share what you need, when you need. Besides, your words make complete sense to me. I have found much understanding and compassion here, and my hope is that you, too, will find the support you need here. You aren't alone and don't have to "do it alone" if you don't want to. I'm here, listening, and many others are too.

With caring
Banana

[iwillthrive]

Danda,

Welcome to this wonderful site. You will find acceptance, compassion, and understandign here. Listening to whatever you fee you need to share.

iwillthrive

[Harmony]

Hi Danda,

Welcome to isurvive. This is a great place to meet some very kind people who understand. If you have any questions please go ahead and ask. We are here for you.

with care,
Harmony

[Serenity]

Welcome to isurvive, Danda.

[Danda]

Hi - thank you all for the lovely welcome messages. I know i may sound 'thick' but what do I do know, I don't feel like I know where to start - Any advice with be great - thank you

[1000miles]

Hi Danda,

I've been using the "survivor-to-thriver" manual published on the ASCA (Adult Survivors of Child Abuse) web site. It has a set of 21 steps that can be followed or tailored to meet your needs. It's given me a helpful outline for healing. It can be used with or without therapy, and with or without a specific ASCA support group. In case that's helpful . . .

Welcome, by the way. Best wishes for clarity and healing.

1000miles

[Danda]

thank you - thats really helpful - i'll look at that