Concerns in chat

An area for new members to introduce themselves, as well as a place where all members can share concerns, questions or general posts.
Everyone is welcome here.

Moderators: quixote, Harmony, Jonesy

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Jonesy
Director
Director
Posts: 10358
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2011 1:44 pm

Concerns in chat

Post by Jonesy » Tue Sep 26, 2017 6:15 pm

Hi

I need to talk to you about how some people are choosing to use the chat room. It is leaving some of our members feeling unwanted, unwelcomed and ignored. People are not being respectful of each other. And this is NOT what we want.

In the space of 2 days, 4 different members have emailed me to share their feelings over their experiences in chat.
I wonder how many others are staying silent?

We remain highly uncomfortable that some members are choosing to show as being offline and then rapidly entering a DM situation, via notification.

If this is how some of you wish to communicate, then please make contact with me so that I can assist you in exchanging email addresses.

Chat should be a welcoming and inclusive place for all. Please let me remind you of some of the guidelines:

• Direct (Private) Messages
If you wish to direct message someone within the room you must ask for their permission prior to doing so. (Please do this each time in order that others within the room are aware of the situation)

Obviously you can’t do this if the person is choosing to show as offline…

• Options for Avoiding Confrontation
1. If you think something you wish to discuss could be triggering, please draw it to the attention of those in the room before continuing.
2. If your words are causing another Member harm and you are asked to refrain from using them, then you need to:
• Find another way to express yourself (use less triggering words)
• Change the topic
• Leave chat
3. If you feel harmed or triggered by someone you can:
• Ask them to refrain from discussing the triggering subject
• Leave the chat or direct (private) message a Moderator (if available)
• Contact the Director via email at jonesy@hush.com or Admin Support at isurvive-org@hush.com

If anyone feels brave enough to comment here, then let’s talk about it and use this as a vehicle to work things out.
You are important
Email: jonesy@hush.com

fight4me
Member
Posts: 868
Joined: Tue Jul 08, 2014 11:22 pm
Location: Wales uk

Re: Concerns in chat

Post by fight4me » Thu Sep 28, 2017 12:44 am

Thank you Jonsey for this post

I would just like to say sorry to those people who feel upset about pm messaging

I have at times used pm although not for a little while
At the time I found I needed to use it as for me it was a way of reaching out that little bit closer
But we are now connected my email now so pm not used

I also have been in the main chat which is fab and really good at connecting
But I know I have been there a lot and nobody else there
And sometimes there are decisions that are triggering so I leave

I feel sad that people are getting up set at feeling left out
That would not be anyone's intention

I understand that people wish to pm with out giving email address as it can be scary letting someone in that little bit closer
And sometimes you can open up more if you don't connect

Sorry I am babbling now

I personal feel pm is very good
And also group chat

I have not really answers your question

But I was sad to see some bad language on chat the other day about being the only person there

I have started the ball roling

f4M

Serenity
Site Admin
Site Admin
Posts: 733
Joined: Sun Feb 07, 2016 4:13 pm

Re: Concerns in chat

Post by Serenity » Thu Sep 28, 2017 7:12 pm

Thank you, fight4me for being brave enough to get the ball rolling here, and for your honest opinions.

Serenity

Icarus
Member
Posts: 1192
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2011 9:02 pm
Location: In the TARDIS, with the 12th Doctor

Re: Concerns in chat

Post by Icarus » Sun Oct 01, 2017 7:29 pm

A while ago I used to frequent chat regularly and we had many laughs in there, escaped our thoughts etc but also found it to be a place of support and understanding from other members. I have also used the PM function a few times but was picked up on by a previous admin member (please note that this person is now no longer here and hasnt been so for a number of years now), who would appear offline in chat when they werent but who then told me off via email, and over skype, for excluding others and making them feel left out when i PM'd another user with permission. I was mortified because I didnt think that my actions could do that and felt that using the function those very few times wasnt excessive....which is one of the words this former member used. I explained things but it never felt the same for me afterwards, I always follow the guidelines and have never made myself appear as offline and never left the main chat area without saying where I was going. Ive been here a long time now and know that issues such as this can crop up and though negative intentions by any of us are not meant, they can have that outcome if we dont communicate to others what we're doing. I find the guidelines not to be in place to stifle or control, but to keep us all safe and make sure chat, or the main boards, can be the sanctuary they are meant to be.

Personally I dont use chat anymore, primarily it was because of the way this previous person went about raising the issue with me and made me feel but these days its because I am not a regular poster anymore and not many people know Icarus these days, so I doubt many would feel comfortable talking or being in chat with me.

If it is ok though what i do want to do is appluade Jonesy on the way that this current issue is being handled and is being kept open and honest....I know that if the same had been used with me then I'd not have disappeared at that particular time and alienated myself from using chat and having the relationships with my fellow members continue. I doubt anyone is having fingers pointed, just remiding us all that we have a duty of care to ourselves and each other whilst we're active members and in chat especially and that the mods and admin are here to keep this place safe and those who use it too.

Hope its ok for me to speak so honestly, but I will never hold the truth back or lie to people and I post this with the utmost respect to all members, mods and admin here.

Icarus
We're tin hard, but we rattle when we're shaken.....

(Member since 31st May 2008. 503 previous posts)

fight4me
Member
Posts: 868
Joined: Tue Jul 08, 2014 11:22 pm
Location: Wales uk

Re: Concerns in chat

Post by fight4me » Sun Oct 01, 2017 7:44 pm

Icarus

Nicley said Icarus

And I agree with you regarding jonsey and the team on how this is being dealt with


Good to see you Icarus hope you are doing well

Fight4me

Harmony
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 3915
Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2011 8:10 pm

Re: Concerns in chat

Post by Harmony » Sun Oct 01, 2017 11:31 pm

Dear Icarus,

Thank you Icarus your for kind and meaningful remarks. They are appreciated. Isurvive is usually fairly drama-free place. We do try to foster inclusion and welcome. We don't welcome comparison(is my abuse story is worse than yours?), exclusion including cliques nor intolerance. The whole idea of this place is for safe support and company for child abuse survivors. The goal of survivors becoming thrivers is meant for all of us.

Chat for many of us has been that sort of place to foster friendships. Personally I am not a fan of chat where people can lurk unseen. For me it feels unsafe. Your experience may be different.

with care,
Harmony

pippen
Member
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2017 7:05 am

Re: Concerns in chat

Post by pippen » Thu Oct 12, 2017 6:15 am

I am new and have never been in a chat room before and I'm very timid about entering due to my Luddite typing skills, calligraphy and beautiful words are lost on my gen (x).
Jonesy as a babe in the woods so to speak in so many ways THANKS. By being clear direct and gently firm (a bit like a good teacher or guardian) I now feel open to applying to enter this tool and sanctuary offered. It's new to me to be able to feel 7 years old again without leaving or numbing out and that's because your concerns show how you protect those involved and help those who want to be included be just that.
So thanks for your hard works
Pippen
Last edited by Jonesy on Thu Oct 12, 2017 7:38 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT

Jonesy
Director
Director
Posts: 10358
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2011 1:44 pm

Re: Concerns in chat

Post by Jonesy » Thu Oct 12, 2017 7:40 am

Hi everyone

Thanks to those who have replied here. We promise to continually seek to provide a safe environment.
I hope you are all finding the new chat provision easy to use.

pippen... look for an email ;)
You are important
Email: jonesy@hush.com

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