New Here

[heresone]

Hi,

I really appreciate that post about getting cold feet. Even though I don't feel like a fraud really, it's still hard to imagine that people will be able to empathize with my situation. Abuse in childhood is one thing, but letting your adult life fall apart because of it? Letting yourself fall into a victim mentality with the same abusive parent again as an adult? The idea of someone (other than therapists I can no longer afford) being understanding of these things sounds like a fairy tale.

I was lucky not to have been bullied by fellow students when I was a kid. Instead, that role was filled by a bully first grade teacher back in the 1980s, and my mother... well I guess not only in childhood but right up to this day. I don't know why it's only recently occurred to me, but I've started to believe lately that my entire idea of femininity may have been messed with by having these two people as role models. I also had a largely gentle (but inconsistently protective) father, so no wonder I've felt more comfortable around guys for much of my life.

At the moment, I'm hoping I can find some kind of resource on how to avoid zoning out (I think I might be mildly dissociating) when important tasks you need to complete happen to be triggering, or when triggering things are happening around you while you're trying to complete an otherwise unrelated task. (I've made some progress with certain meditation techniques, but I clearly could use lots more help in this area.) If anyone knows where to look for self-directed help on such things, I'd really appreciate it. Otherwise, I'd just like to thank you for welcoming me here.

[Harmony]

Hi heresone,

Welcome to the web site. There will be more friendly folks along soon. It sounds as if you are just getting started trying to heal from the abuse of childhood. Good work. This is brave but so important. It is best to get help from a trusted guide. This is often a therapist, counselor or other trusted professional. In terms of self guidance there are lots of books for survivors out there. You can look through our reading resources for suggestions. There is really only so much information can help with in healing. It is really through understanding your story, processing the memories and healing that life gets back on track. Almost everyone has the same feelings as you do. Why is this bothering me so much now?

Whatever your story most of us can relate or understand.

Sending you warm welcome,
Harmony

[Jonesy]

Hi heresone

A very warm welcome to isurvive

[reisha]

hi {HERESONE!} <-- safe hugs, if ok(?)

welcome to our safe lil coner of the web
sorry to know ya have need, ya glad ya found us
echoin what harmony said & sendin gentle support

[ajei]

Hi heresone...it's really good to meet you.

ajei

[chickadee]

Hi heresone,
I can relate to your story. My adult life is currently falling apart because of the abuse I endured as a child. I just joined isurvive, and communicating with fellow survivors who understand and don't judge is so helpful. I hope you find what you need here.

- chickadee

[Xanthia]

Hi heresone,

Welcome to our friendly part of the Web.

Seems unfair doesn't it, quite unreal, when childhood stuff impacts/undermines/interferes with adult life?

Warm regards,

[ajei]

It's really good to meet you heresone.

ajei

[iwillthrive]

heresone,

It's good to meet you. I am in a similar place as what you describe - allowing your adult life to fall apart bc of childhood abuse. My life was bound to fall apart until I faced my abuse and dealt with the aftermath. I just joined recently and have found a lot of loving support here. I dissociate and haven't figured out how to stop so I can't be of much help there. Sorry for that! If I learn anything that works for me I will be sure to share with you.

Welcome. Wishing you peace...

iwillthrive

[Xanthia]

Hi heresone,

May you have found some self help ideas from the Our Positive Transitions and/or Reading Discussions forums here.

Wishing you a very happy 40th birthday celebration to begin your personal new year.

Sent with whatever you would most appreciate for your healing journey.

Warm regards,