A midlife-crisis is usually about the gap between where you are and where you imagined you'd be. For me it also turned into a large gap between where I thought I had been and what my story really was.
Now in my 40's I am in a lot of confusion as to who I am and where I am going. I have lived without the full register of emotions, a lot of them muted and I have numbed myself with alcohol. In many settings I have been an "asshole" as I have not been able to connect emotionally with pepole and I have been unable to build good relations to others as I have been emotionally unavailible.
I had a trickle of memories coming to me during spring that both turned my world upside down and made everything logical although very painful. I have gone from being depressed or anxious to very sad, angry and sometimes suicidal. I am in a very lonely position and I battle with the truth.
For me it was my mother and possibly my father. I confronted her with it in June and they responded by sending a letter to the child welfare authorities claiming I was mentally unstable with delusions unfit to take care of my daughters.
Yesterday I confronted my mother again and this time she replied "I have been wondering if you were sexually abused by someone since you have been so uneasy. It might have been one of your nannys".
My mother is a Sociopath and a child abuser, she has strong connections and controls my father, my ex-wife, my sister and to some extent my brother. I am reading Mike Lew's "Victims no more" and I will begin therapy for a possible PTSD later this month, I have also joined a support group. I came across this forum and I join with a hope that I can both give and recieve some support.
Hello
Moderators: Harmony, quixote, Jonesy
-
Pineforest
- Member
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2017 1:45 pm
-
Pineforest
- Member
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2017 1:45 pm
Re: Hello
Read your post Wabbit and it reminds me of what a co-worker said. He was beaten and his father committed suicide when my friend was in his 20's. He said it comes and goes in waves, the process of healing. My benefit is that I can (and have) placed responsibility in a face to face situation. My friend wrote a letter which he dug into the grave of his late father.
-
Jonesy
- Director
- Posts: 16156
- Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2011 1:44 pm
-
1000miles
- Member
- Posts: 450
- Joined: Mon Jul 31, 2017 6:19 am
Re: Hello
Hello Pineforest,
I can relate to aspects of your situation. I too lived an emotionally muted life for years, and I had serious social and relationship problems stemming from issues caused by my childhood. (I'm still working on many of those issues.) Glad you're here.
1000miles
I can relate to aspects of your situation. I too lived an emotionally muted life for years, and I had serious social and relationship problems stemming from issues caused by my childhood. (I'm still working on many of those issues.) Glad you're here.
1000miles
-
Pineforest
- Member
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2017 1:45 pm
Re: Hello
Thank you all! You were my first stepping stone. I have explained everything to my boss, made a public statement about my abused childhood on FB and sent an application for compensation to victims of violence by the State. Tomorrow I will report my parents to the Police. This website and Mike Lews book "Victims no more" made the snowball start on its path downhill. It will become an avalanche.
Last edited by Harmony on Wed Aug 16, 2017 4:09 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edited trigger indicator from MT to NT
Reason: edited trigger indicator from MT to NT