Confused and concerned

[Obscure Reference]

Hi. I'm new (obviously) and... confused? I guess? I hope I'm doing this right... And I hope the yellow MT is appropriate. I apologize if I haven't gotten the hang of it yet.

I don't know if I was abused or not. I've seen four gynecologists over the years and they've all asked if I had experienced it during my childhood. To be honest? I don't know. I don't remember a lot of my early childhood. I do know I had childhood PTSD and an abusive father. I know he left me alone with a lot of adults that I didn't know. So it's possible. And it makes sense. But I don't remember anything about it.

I joined because I think... If I did suffer sexual abuse... that it's still affecting my life. Even though I can't remember it. And I'm glad I can't remember it because at the moment, it's more of a health/sex problem than an emotional/mental one. I don't really want the confirmation of yes this did happen. I just want to know what I can do to reverse the effects it's had on me.

I'll go to other sub-forums for specific advice but that's essentially my story. The TL;DR version is "I don't know."

[Jonesy]

Hi Obscure Reference

A warm welcome to isurvive. Hopefully you will find support and understanding here

[Bonnie]

Hello, I’m sorry about your struggles. I’ve questioned my own abuse a lot. Deep down I know it all happened. But I’ve so badly wanted to believe that it didn’t. But questioning myself was really harmful. So when you say that you don’t remember, and don’t want to remember, that’s understandable and it’s totally okay. I just hope that it doesn’t lead to you questioning yourself. Please, never do that, just trust me on that one.

[quixote]

Obscure Reference,
It's okay if you don't remember much. But if doctors are asking questions, then there might be a possibility that you did suffer abuse as a child. One way to deal with it is by seeing a therapist and talking about what you remember.
Quixote

[recover]

hi obscure reference,
good to meet you, welcome.
just want to say that i have no real memories of sexual abuse however i have suffered my entire life with severe symptoms consistent with sexual abuse. it's so confusing.
i think quixote's suggestion of talking to a therapist is a good one.
with much support,
recover

[ajei]

It's really good to meet you Obscure Reference.

ajei

[1000miles]

Hi Obscure Reference,

I'm new here myself. I can see how it would be tough to decide what to do in your situation. I wish you good support and peace of mind as you work it out, and also in your healing endeavors in general.

1000miles

[Obscure Reference]

Thank you all. I feel very welcome here.

[Xanthia]

Hi Obscure Reference,

Lovely to know you feel welcomed here.

A belated welcome from me ... May you have taken time to browse forums to get a feel for the iSurvive site.

Warm regards,

[Xanthia]

Hi Obscure Reference,

May life have yielded some answers for you since posting here.

As today is your birthday, I'm taking this opportunity to wish you a very happy celebration for your personal new year. May you have many positive moments , happiness and peace during the next 12 months.

With care,