New Here

[Tertbutyl]

Some background about me.

Well how do I start this...
I as a child suffered sexual abuse and under the threat of death I was told to never speak of what was being done to me. I did, it was not until half a decade later I told my older sibling. I don't remember if I told my sibling to keep quiet of what I told her or what but, my parents never found out. Now I can count with one hand the number of people that know what happened to me. Pushing another decade later I sought therapy because I was scared that I was going to take my own life. My therapist (T) is among the few that know what happened to me. My T told me to seek out people that have gone through what I have and speaking with them will help he overcome this overwhelming rush of emotions that I get when I think of what I went through or when I see something that triggers those memories to fill my head. On my first day here, prior to registering, I decided to look around on the open forum. I came across this one post which hit home, it felt as if I was reading how I felt being written by someone else. That was the turning point that gave me the confidence to join.

Because of what happened to me I have this feeling of being tainted, broken among other things. From people that feel the same or have felt the same, I would like to know do those feeling ever go away, is there a day when I can wake up look in the mirror or a picture of myself and not feel disgusted by what I see. Not feel that even though I suffered this trauma, I owe the world something to fit in and feel normal.

And lastly how do I take that step from being a victim childhood sexual abuse (CSA) to being a survivor of CSA.

[reisha]

hello, {tertbutyl!} <-- safe hug, if ok (?)

welcome to our safe lil corner of the web

im sorry to know what ya've been thru, yet glad ya found us.
there are many here who understand
lookin forward to gettin to know ya.

sendin much support

[Harmony]

Welcome to our forum tertbutyl,

So glad you felt a comfort in reading what our members have shared. This is a very safe space to explore our stories and connect with others. If you have any questions please ask away. Again welcome.

with care,
Harmony

[ajei]

It's good to meet you tertbutyl.

ajei

[SweetestGirl]

Welcome and I'm so glad that you joined. It takes courage to join and to tell your story. This is the nicest group of people and you're in a safe place here. Your strength is inspiring.

[fight4me]

Hi

Welcome this is a fab safe forum to ge on

I am sorry you have to be here luge all of us but we all stand strong together

Yes I do believe you will get to where you want to be
You have started your road trip by reaching out
Everything is in your own time
You can say as little or as much as you want to

I will try and support when I can although I am not on her loads at the moment

There is a very good chat room sometime you are the only one there and sometimes you are not

Be kind to your self
And remember you matter

Regards

Fight4me

[Jonesy]

Hi tertbutyl

A warm welcome to isurvive.

[Kd]

Hello. And welcome. You are a survivor right now my friend. You were the victim of some terrible things. And you survived. I appreciate how difficult it is to share this truth and I thank you for sharing. As to weather or not there comes a time when you don't feel as bad as you do now... The answer is yes. I've learned that all these horrible feelings and thoughts they are put in us by the perpetrators... Its there darkness rubbed off on us. It is not us. We are not disgust ing. They and what they did to us are. At my lowest I did not look at myself in the mirror for over a year. These emotions can be worked through and released. I wanted to respond. Ty for sharing. I wish you the best in your healing journey.

[Tertbutyl]

Thank you everyone for the support that you all have given me. I look forward to healing and i know with all the support that everyone gives here I will never be alone in the journey.

Tertbutyl